17th December
fifteen
CHAOTAH(:
HOCKEY!♥♥

For my waigong:

I haven't blogged in ages. So many things happened ever since the last week of hols till now. I don't know what to say, like time passes really quickly without even realising it. And i don't know, maybe it just that he things are happening so quickly that i can't switch my mindset over, or maybe it's just me.

Like during the last week of hols, i was having so much fun. Party at rach's house, party at raf's house, with all of us getting so high, late nights out, sheesha-ing at sahara,many not-so-sucessful but oh-so-fun shopping trips with grace and yq, and many family gatherings at waigongs house,& i thought 2007 would end with a perfect ending and i'll have a brand new start and i'll be energized, recharged and i'll be fully prepared to face the new 2008, the upcoming challenges, stress and o's. But however, not everything went accordingly as i expected.

My waigong passed away on the 30th, like 4 in the morning. I was sleeping that time, and the phone rang and i woke up. Then i picked up the phone, and so did my mom in the other room, and it was my aunt. She was sobbing and all. Yknow like it was 4 in the morning and my mind was still in a semi-concious state and i cldn't think straight. Then my aunt was sobbing and all, and i knew she cldn't bring herself to say it, and she was like, "Dad's gone." Like it was total silence, and i took quite awhile to process, and get that thing into my head. I actually pinched myself,"Dream or reality, dream or reality." it kept going on in my head. Then we rushed down to SGH and all. I cried my heart out. I don't know why, but i just cldn't hold my tears back. It was like he was going to leave us forever and never coming back. And it's for real. Even though, i didnt know waigong that well and didn't use to talk much to him, but i really miss the times when he always ask me, "Have you eaten?" or "How's school"? No one will ever ask me in that same manner ever again.

Then everyone rushed down to my waigong's house, the atmosphere was solem and tense, everyone just cldn't accept the fact that waigong's gone forever. He used to be so fit and all, and he was a hip grandpa, he was always actively participating in those community services, he enjoys travelling too. And all of a sudden, my waigong got admitted into the hospital cause he had high fever. So the doctor gave him some full bodycheckup since he was already in the hospital. Then at first the doctor said he had pnuemonia and he would alright after awhile. Then his condition worsened, and the doctor then realised that waigong had lung cancer, and it was the terminal stage. There was nothing we could do about it, we could only watch him losing apetite day by day, his health deteriorating day by day. Waigong was so weak that he could hardly respond to us, as he was losing his consciousness slowly too because the cancer cells has already spread to his brain and attacking his nerves. It really hurts watching him, and our heart aches. Maybe leaving is a better way out for waigong, instead of living in torment everyday.

TO WAIGONG: And whereever you maybe now, we will remember you forever, memories of you will be imprinted deep down in our hearts, i swear. Forever and ever.

& this is from JS's blog:
"The memories that you gave me will also be tattooed in my heart.
I hate to let you go, but it's the only way to release you from your sufferings.
I'll always remember the way you treat our family , how you care for our family...
There was once, my mum told me that how you cared for her during her worst times,
since then, I owed you my deepest gratitude.
I always knew you cared us.
I miss your voice... I miss how you urged me to eat...
I miss how your bugged me to go home...
simply, I just miss you...
It saddens me even more to know the fact that my mum has lost both her parents now.
The way she said it, the way she expressed it and the way she behaved clearly tells you how affected she is by it.
If there is a undo button, will life be even better?"

<3